


scaredy-cats can't swim

by nezumiprefersdanielleovershakespeare



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 00:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11047809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nezumiprefersdanielleovershakespeare/pseuds/nezumiprefersdanielleovershakespeare
Summary: Nagisa isn't always as cheerful as he seems, but he's managed to cover up his worries with the fake smile he's perfected. But now he has another secret, one he can't hide - a crush on his best friend.*Nagisa knows that Mako-chan is watching him, and can guess why. He is on his best behavior for this reason, and his best behavior involves chattering loudly about things he does not really care at all about, but it’s better to think about these things than the things he does care too much about.He swims his best time yet, but that has less to do with Mako-chan and more to do with how a heart beats faster the faster he swims, and how that same heart sounds louder the faster it beats, and maybe if he swims a little bit faster it’ll be just loud enough to drown everything out.Mako-chan is second to congratulate him on his swimming time, after Gou-chan, of course.“I’m impressed,” Mako-chan says, as Gou-chan walks away to coerce Haru-chan out of the pool, as swim practice has ended on Nagisa’s last lap.“Thanks, Mako-chan!” Nagisa exclaims cheerily. He thinks about peeking at Rei-chan, but decides against it and skips beside Mako-chan with eyes straight ahead.“Nagisa, is everything okay?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote and posted this fic in April, 2014, and I'll be reposting it one chapter every day (even though clearly it's already completed). 
> 
> I'm reposting some of my old fics from the many accounts I previously deleted over the past few years, so if you're familiar with my fics and want to request that I repost a certain old fave, feel free to message me at my tumblr: http://coolasamackerel.tumblr.com or comment on this post: http://coolasamackerel.tumblr.com/post/160488980276/danielles-nezushifree-fics and I'll be happy to consider reposting it! For both my new readers and my old guys, hope you enjoy the fic!! :D

Mako-chan is the scaredy-cat.

            He clings to Haru-chan in the dark, during scary movies, if he hears creepy noises or is spooked (and it’s usually Nagisa making the noises or jumping out behind locker doors to spook him). He shrieks in a way that is hilarious in proportion to his body size, his eyes go wide, and his fingers dig themselves into Haru-chan’s shirt.

            Nagisa is jealous. Not of being frightened – no, there’s no need to be jealous of what he also shares – but of the ease with which Mako-chan grips the backs of Haru’s t-shirts or the sleeves of his school uniform. The way it’s a reflex for his senpai to reach for Haru-chan, the way this action is normal and accepted and expected, the way comfort, for Mako-chan, is always an arm-length away and without that iron-thick barrier of doubt or hesitation.

            Mako-chan may be the scaredy-cat, but Nagisa is scared too, and unlike Mako-chan, he’s even more scared to show it.

*

Rei-chan is a dork.

            Nagisa likes this about him. Likes it so much he can’t stop watching Rei-chan, watching him in a way that suggests the development of an obsession, or maybe the development of something else, something Nagisa acknowledges somewhat vaguely but dismisses as unimportant, in the grand scheme of things.

            The grand scheme of things being, of course, the necessity of becoming Rei-chan’s best friend.

            Nagisa believes he is decently successful on this front. Rei-chan is not inviting him over for sleepovers nor spilling his secrets in the locker rooms, but Nagisa can’t say he’s not relieved at the lack of sleepovers, and he knows firsthand of reluctance to spill secrets. He thinks he has watched Rei-chan enough to accurately decode what actions the teen would take towards a best friend, and thinks even more strongly that these actions are made towards him.

            Such as that Rei-chan no longer protests to Nagisa stealing bits from his lunch, and when he protests, it is no longer with shock, but with hidden-smiled resignation. He asks for Nagisa’s assistance in his strokes more often than the others, which may be due to their age similarities, but Nagisa likes to think he knows better.

            Most tellingly, Rei-chan has thirty-four times thus far allowed Nagisa to fall asleep with his head on Rei-chan’s shoulder on their bus rides home. Nagisa knows this because he has feigned falling asleep on Rei-chan’s shoulder thirty-four times thus far on their bus rides home.

            Each bus ride is an internal debate over whether to spend as much time as he can talking to Rei-chan, or whether the bus ride would be better spent in quiet harmony, head on shoulder and snores just light enough to sound real. The warmth of Rei-chan’s shoulder is just as tempting as the cool of his tone in his clipped replies to Nagisa’s banter, and more often than not Nagisa’s decision on how to spend their bus ride is dependent on the weather outside, and what temperature of Rei-chan he is craving – and he is always craving _some_ temperature of Rei-chan; there is never a ride where a break from Rei-chan is desired or even considered.

            Today, as they wait at the bus top, Nagisa feels a chill while cheerfully dissecting the pros and cons he thinks obvious about their sensei’s new haircut. Therefore, on boarding the bus and locating two seats beside each other in the back, Nagisa decides that afternoon will make the thirty-fifth occasion on which he feigns sleep for the comfort of Rei-chan’s shoulder. He allows his sentences to dilute with lengthy pauses, and gradually finds his cheek comfortably against Rei-chan’s left shoulder, where it knows the curve of his shoulder bones quite well and craves the comfort of it far more than his pillow at home.

            Nagisa is never worried that he will actually doze off on these bus rides home. For one, Rei-chan never fails to “wake him up” at Nagisa’s stop, but more than that is the fact that Nagisa is not in any danger of succumbing to sleep. Sleep requires a degree of calm, and Nagisa may find comfort in the pillow of Rei-chan’s shoulder, but he feels anything but calm. His heart is well-versed in speeding at any contact with Rei-chan, and his pulse takes to spreading hotly under every inch of his skin with an electrifying intensity that, even if it is not paired with a gut twisting so pleasurably and resolutely, will not allow the teen to give into unconsciousness.

            It is preferable, this way. Nagisa is eager to spend every moment possible with Rei-chan, and these moments are undoubtedly better spent fully conscious to allow him ample time to enjoy the mere pleasure of being with Rei-chan.

            There is nothing boring in the inactivity resulting from his acts of sleep. Nagisa does not like silence and the thoughts it produces bouncing around his head, and therefore usually takes to filling that silence with talk – often animated and more often random, what with the speed with which he exhausts all relevant topics and must think of others – before it has a chance to settle in its parasitic way. However, there is no silence in his feigned naps. There is the loud thudding of his heart, loud enough to take up all space his thoughts might wish to occupy, thoughts he does not want, thoughts he can’t bear to acknowledge, thoughts that Rei-chan and only Rei-chan has thus far succeeded in eliminating in that dorky way of his, if only temporarily.

            Temporarily is enough for Nagisa, who has less desire to think of the future than even to entertain the thoughts of his present. And though there is nothing boring about his naps on Rei-chan’s shoulder, today there is the sudden idea to make this activity even more enjoyable, or at least, increase the risk of it, and Nagisa craves risk, a surefire way to increase the volume of his thudding heart, his deafening heart.

            Nagisa implements the idea about fifteen minutes into the bus ride, allowing himself enough time to make it plausible, and more importantly, enough time so that if his plan fails horribly, he will only have to endure a few minutes before his departure from the bus and Rei-chan.

            In the pause between two of his thudding heart beats, Nagisa murmurs through already parted lips in the sleepiest voice he can manage, despite the energy zipping through his body, “Rei…chan…”

            The shift of Rei-chan’s shoulder beneath his chin is unfamiliar. Usually the teen sits stoic-still, his shoulder gradually lowering as he relaxes under Nagisa’s weight, but his movements are never abrupt, and Nagisa expects every shift is well-calculated to provide the utmost comfort for Nagisa despite the lack of permission Nagisa ever manages to request before using Rei-chan as his pillow.

            The shift following Nagisa’s “sleep-induced” murmur is nothing like these calculated relaxations Nagisa loves so much, but a flinch, almost violent, quick and spasmic. Rei-chan’s shoulder jerks forward and just as quickly back, as if by resuming his original position Rei-chan thinks he can nullify the moment when his shoulder was two inches forward.

            Nagisa, in his undeveloped planning, intended to continue his sleeping performance without notice of his “sleep talking,” but thinks the better of it at Rei-chan’s flinch. He rationalizes the slow opening of his eyes to the fact that there is no way he could sleep through such a violent movement beneath his cheek, but the truth is that the bus’s jerks have often been more sudden than Rei-chan’s movement, and Nagisa’s real motivation is to peek at Rei-chan’s expression.

            He is hoping for that blush that creeps onto Rei-chan’s cheeks often enough to keep Nagisa wanting more.

            “Mmm,” Nagisa mumbles sleepily as he lifts his cheek from Rei-chan’s shoulder and blinks at him groggily. His lips instinctively slip into a small smile, but the smile freezes at Rei-chan’s expression.

            There is no sign of that blush Nagisa aimed to produce. Instead, the teen’s face is pale, almost sickly so, void not only of the blush but any drop of blood whatsoever.

            The thudding of Nagisa’s heart is louder, but not in the way that drowns out his unwelcome thoughts. Instead, it now seems to spur his thoughts onward and in a different vein than usual, new thoughts for Nagisa to fear, new thoughts for him to avoid.

            “Rei-chan?” Nagisa breathes, more for the comfort of hearing the teen’s name than anything else. He is staring with wide eyes at the teen who is staring back, his expression full of his usual red-framed glasses and unexpected pale-faced fright.

            Nagisa hopes his own fright does not show as obviously on his own features.

            “Nagisa…kun. I – ” Rei-chan clears his throat, and Nagisa waits patiently as he readjusts glasses that have slid absolutely nowhere in the past minute. “You were asleep,” Rei-chan concludes astutely.

            Nagisa nods slowly. “Oh,” he says, then tries again because he is Nagisa and Nagisa is loud, full of energy, always talking about something or another, always filling the silence for no other reason than his own amusement. “Yes, I realized that, Rei-chan. Sorry,” he laughs, to diminish the apology because Nagisa does not apologize for silly things like falling asleep for the thirty-fifth time on a classmate’s shoulder. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Rei-chan,” Nagisa coos, poking the shoulder he’d so recently been resting on. “Why are you acting like scaredy-cat Mako-chan?”

            Rei-chan swallows in a way that is visible, and Nagisa watches the bob of his Adam’s apple before returning his gaze to Rei-chan’s glasses, which are again being pushed up a nose they have not slid down.

            “Ah. Yes, well, erm.” Rei-chan clears his throat again and looks swiftly out the bus window to his right.

            Nagisa watches the side of his jaw, then looks out the window as well. Trees pass by like they are the ones going somewhere, and Nagisa and Rei-chan are the ones who can’t seem to move.

            When Rei-chan turns back, Nagisa has looked away from the window and arranged his expression into a proper Nagisa-kun Smile, bright and silly and high-wattage without any sign of slipping. Just the smallest bit ridiculous, but that’s what makes it his patented smile, the one that’s impossible to doubt, impossible to see through, even with Rei-chan’s glasses readjusted to prime position by the tips of forefinger and thumb.

            “I suddenly remembered our math test tomorrow,” Rei-chan says, with a head nod that confirms his statement.

            Nagisa knits his eyebrows together and leans a bit closer, mostly because he wants to be as close to Rei-chan as possible. There is the fear that at this range, Rei-chan will be able to hear his thundering thoughts, but more than that fear is a desire, a desire that someone will finally hear them, that someone will notice, that his thoughts won’t have to be so loud inside his head anymore with someone outside to whisper them to.

            “But Rei-chan. You were talking about that math test all the way to the bus stop.” It’s not entirely true, but Nagisa has never had much use for the truth. Besides, Rei-chan _had_ mentioned the math test twice in between Nagisa’s pauses for breath.

            “Yes, well. I forgot about it when we boarded the bus, and only just remembered. I can’t afford to forget such an important exam for even a moment.”

            “Oh, Rei-chan,” Nagisa sighs in that frustrated but lighthearted way he has manufactured all of his sighs to reflect to avoid the heaviness they might accidentally bear. He stretches out the “chan” until he can no longer hear his thoughts over his voice, and all is normal again, temporarily.

            Rei-chan huffs and looks out the window while Nagisa chatters about the color of the sky, comparing it to everything he can think of, and when he runs out, making things up.

            They don’t make sense, but when has that Nagisa and his nonsense ramblings about nothing at all ever made sense?

*

Nagisa does not usually call Rin-chan, but he is not usually left with the unshakable image of Rei-chan’s frightened face that could have only been the result of _him_ instead of the usual excusable things like tests and swimming and his parents and answering questions incorrectly in class, so Nagisa decides that if his thoughts are going to stray from the norm, so should his actions.

            Rin-chan answers on the third ring. “Yo.”

            “Hey, Rin-chan!” Nagisa shouts, cheerily, as is his custom.

            He can practically hear Rin-chan’s wince on the other side of the line. “Nagisa, what’s up?”

            “Mm, you don’t sound happy enough to hear from me! Why not, Rin-chan?”

            “Who says I’m not happy? Just cause I don’t shout like a lunatic like you doesn’t mean I’m not happy,” Rin-chan grumbles.

            Nagisa smiles. It is nice to hear Rin-chan’s voice after having gone so long without it. He is happy they are all friends again, that the absence of Rin-chan’s voice will no longer be a norm.

            “You sound grumpy,” Nagisa pouts, rolling over on his bed where he threw himself upon evading his sisters and locking himself in his room.

            “Well, I’m not!” Rin-chan snaps – rather grumpily, Nagisa thinks.

            Nagisa laughs, loudly, into the phone. It is almost so convincing that Nagisa can trick himself.

            “Don’t laugh at me!”

            “Never, Rin-chan,” Nagisa promises in a low voice, mock seriously.

            Rin-chan’s scowl is imagined without effort. “Why are you calling me? I’m busy.”

            “Swimming?” Nagisa asks, tone back to its normal inquisitive cheerfulness. He is on his back, and lifts his phoneless hand to scrutinize his palm over the backdrop of his ceiling.

            “Nah. Got an exam tomorrow. Cram studying.”

            “Rin-sempai? I know you’re on the phone, but you shouldn’t lie to your friends – ”

            “Shut up,” Rin-chan snaps, presumably not to Nagisa but to the voice it cuts off on his side of the line.

            Nagisa, bored of his hand, drops it by his side and tries to find something interesting in the blank white of his ceiling. “Ehh, Rin-chaaan! Are you lying to me?” the somewhat muffled voice conversing with Rin-chan is familiar, but Nagisa can’t quite place it.

            “Of course not!” Rin-chan says, sounding flustered.

            Nagisa’s attention is mercifully caught, and he finds himself gladly distracted by this new mystery. “What are you really doing?”

            “Nothing! Nitori, you asshole!”

            “Sorry, Rin-sempai! But you know, you don’t have to be ashamed of me.”

            “I’m not ashamed!” Rin-chan shouts, and Nagisa holds the phone a little away from his ear.

            “That’s your roommate, right, Rin-chan?” Nagisa asks, realizing. He can picture a small grey-haired boy that was hanging around Rin-chan at the competition and thinks this is to whom the voice belongs.

            “Okay, Sempai.”

            Rin-chan growls into the phone, and Nagisa’s giggle is cut off by his aggravated voice. “Fine! I’m not cramming, I’m fooling around with my roommate. Happy, Nitori, you dumbass?”

            “Sempai! You can’t just say those things over the phone!”

            “What the hell do you want from me? I can’t lie, I can’t tell the truth, you’re so confusing!”

            “Rin-chan!” Nagisa shouts, interrupting the ensuing argument between his gruff-voiced friend and the higher-pitched roommate. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend!”

            “He’s not my – Shut up, Nagisa! Is there a reason you called?” Rin-chan demands.

            “Don’t think you can change the subject so quickly!” Nagisa objects gleefully. This is the exact distraction he needs.

            “I’ve had enough of this. Bye, Nagisa. And don’t tell anyone yet!” Rin-chan adds quickly before a click and the dial tone replace his flustered voice.

            “Wait!” Nagisa shouts into the phone, but Rin-chan – and his distraction – are gone.

            Nagisa listens to the dial tone and thinks that maybe he should have treated this new development in Rin-chan’s life more importantly than as a simple distraction, but soon enough these thoughts are chased by the other thoughts, and then the new thoughts of Rei-chan’s expression from the bus, and Nagisa is curled up in a ball on his side, pressing the phone to his ear so hard it hurts and wishing the dial tone was loud enough to drown the rest out.

**

**_– is something up w nagisa? –_ **

            Rin groans at the ring of his phone and considers not answering, but the alternative is a reprimand about _responsibility to his friends_ out of lips he’d rather be kissing, so he punches the button and lifts the phone to his ear.

            “Why the hell did you call me?” he demands, ignoring Nitori’s light groan because if he thinks about it too much, he’ll hang up, and his roommate will forget he is sexually frustrated in exchange for a sense of moral duty he has somehow seen fit to extend onto Rin and the lecture that comes with it.

            “You texted me.”

            Rin rolls his eyes. He can imagine Makoto’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and the puppy-dog face is annoying even in his own imagination. “Exactly. Why didn’t you just _text me back_ like a normal person? Jeez, don’t you know texting etiquette?”

            “I don’t think you’re one to lecture on etiquette, Rin,” Makoto says, and the small smile Rin can imagine him biting back is significantly more irksome than the confused puppy eyes.

            Rin presses his thumb and forefinger to his temples. “Dammit, Makoto.”

            “So what’s up?”

            Rin nearly explodes, slapping his knee in frustration. “You know what’s up! I fucking texted you what’s up!”

            “Sempai,” Nitori whispers chastisingly, and Rin sighs, attempting to exhale his frustration because it appears his old friends from that damn Iwatobi are in some plot opposed to him ripping off the shirt of the boy sitting on the edge of his bed who has avoided being shirtless for far too long outside the setting of the pool.

            “You okay, Rin? I can’t even remember the last time you called.”

            “Yes. I’m great. The issue is not me, it’s Nagisa. He called me.” Rin should have seen this coming. Makoto’s tendency to go full-on Mom Mode knows no bounds, and if Rin’s not careful, those mothering tendencies could be applied to him instead of the actual intended target.

            “When? What did he say?”

            “About five minutes ago. And nothing really,” Rin notes, thinking back and realizing that Nagisa truly had not said anything of worth. It seems strange, now that he reflects on it, and he wonders if Nagisa had even had a purpose for calling, or if he was just being typical Nagisa, random and unpredictable in the most annoying of ways at the most inconvenient of times. Truthfully, he thinks otherwise, but he decides not to worry Makoto too much with his own doubts.

            “So why do you think something’s wrong?”

            “He never calls, does he? So I just figured…I don’t know!” Rin snaps. He’s not the one who’s supposed to be solving this anyway. It’s Makoto’s job to deal with this kind of thing, which Rin is about to remind Makoto before the guy interrupts.

            “You never call either. Is there something wrong with you?”

            The worst part is that Makoto actually sounds concerned when _clearly_ this is about _Nagisa_. “No! I’m just calling about Nagisa! I’m completely fine!”

            “Rin-sempai, stop yelling at your friends.”

            Rin glares at Nitori long enough to remind himself how much cuter the damn boy would be without his shirt and perhaps other articles of clothing. He is too overdressed for his own good, especially when he’s looking at Rin with that disapproving expression of his.

            “That’s your roommate, right? Nitori – he swam freestyle, didn’t he?”

            “Not about me,” Rin reminds through gritted teeth.

            “Oh? You’re not calling to tell me about you and Nitori?”

            Rin bristles, shooting another glare at Nitori as if this is somehow his fault. Nitori blinks innocently back, head cocked in confusion, and Rin hates him for it. Such a fucking tease, the kid is.

            “What are you talking about? Dammit, I told Nagisa not to say anything, of course he would with his big mouth, damn kid can never shut up,” Rin grumbles.

            “Nagisa didn’t say anything to me. Did you tell him?”

            Rin ignores Makoto’s question because his is clearly more important. “Then how did you know?”

            “I saw the way you were looking at Nitori during the competition,” Makoto says simply, as if that will suffice as an explanation instead of serve only as a statement requiring a bigger explanation than before.

            “What?” Rin snaps, glancing again at Nitori to make sure the boy can’t hear. The blue eyes are curious on him, but nothing else. There is no sign of the telltale blush, at the very least, and for that Rin is grateful.

            “The way you look at Nitori, well, it’s familiar.”

            “What are you talking about? Familiar how?” Rin demands. He is not aware of giving Nitori any kind of look, and resolves to stop immediately, but first he needs to know exactly what he should be stopping. Damn Makoto. Always too perceiving, that asshole.

            “It’s the way Haru looks at me,” Makoto says, quietly, and this takes Rin by surprise.

            “Wait…Are you guys…?” Rin isn’t sure how to ask it. It’s obvious, of course, but that doesn’t mean he has any idea how to word what has been obvious for years. The only thing that comes to mind is _married_ , which seems so dramatic Rin refuses to say it.

            “Are we…what?”

            “You know!”

            “All I said was Haru looks at me the same way you look at Nitori.”

            “I do _not_ look at him that way,” Rin objects, though he is preoccupied by the fact that whatever has been going on with Makoto and Haru is finally coming to fruition. He hadn’t realized Makoto had ever noticed.

            “What way?”

            Makoto is too clearly enjoying himself, and Rin wants nothing more than to strangle him. “You know what way!”

            “So you are involved with Nitori?”

            “Are you involved with Haru?”

            “No.”

            The answer is not at all what Rin expected, and he narrows his eyes. “Then what the hell are you talking about? I thought you said – ”

            “Rin, this isn’t about me and Haru. It’s about you and Nitori. Congratulations.”

            “What are you congratulating me for? I don’t want your stupid congratulations!”

            “Okay.”

            “Don’t ‘okay’ me!”

            “Oka – I mean, all right.”

            Rin breathes slowly and wonders why the hell he’s wasting his time talking to this idiot anyway, then remembers why he’s talking to the idiot and returns to that topic. “Look, you’re saying Nagisa is fine, right?”

            “As far as I know.”

            “Great, that’s all then. Goodbye.”

            “Bye, Rin. Tell Nitori hi from Iwatobi.”

            “I will do no such thing,” Rin snaps. He’s about to hang up the phone, but sighs, closes his eyes, and grinds his teeth together before asking, “Hey, don’t tell anyone about – you know.”

            “You and Nitori?”

            Rin opens his eyes to stare at the ceiling. “Yeah,” he exhales.

            “Of course not.”

            “Not even Haru.”

            “Well…”

            “Makoto! What did you tell him?”

            “I only asked during the competition if he noticed how you were looking at Nitori.”

            Rin makes his hand a fist around the phone. “What did he say?” he asks, teeth clenched.

            “He said no.”

            Rin is so close to throwing his phone at the wall. “So he doesn’t know about anything!”

            “He _said_ no, but he was thinking yes.”

            Rin, for one, is not about to let Makoto and Haru’s weird mind-reading take up more time in his day than Makoto’s pointless blathering already has. “Just get fucking married, will you? And don’t tell anyone else, all right?”

            “Sure, Rin. But you should tell your sister.”

            “Don’t tell me what to do!”

            “Of course not. Talk to you later?”

            “Yeah, yeah.” Rin hangs up and slams his phone on the bed before falling back on the mattress and closing his eyes, not that the underside of the top bunk could cause him any more distress than his friends at Iwatobi.

            Nitori’s shifting weight beside him is accompanied by a light creak of the bed. “You look tired, Sempai.”

            Rin peeks open an eye to see Nitori’s concerned expression hovering above his.

            “Not as tired as I could be,” Rin says, reaching out to pull the boy down further just as Nitori’s blush arrives deliciously on that face Rin just can’t stand.

**

Nagisa knows that Mako-chan is watching him, and can guess why. He is on his best behavior for this reason, and his best behavior involves chattering loudly about things he does not really care at all about, but it’s better to think about these things than the things he does care too much about.

            He swims his best time yet, but that has less to do with Mako-chan and more to do with how a heart beats faster the faster he swims, and how that same heart sounds louder the faster it beats, and maybe if he swims _a little bit faster_ it’ll be just loud enough to drown everything out.

            Mako-chan is second to congratulate him on his swimming time, after Gou-chan, of course.

            “I’m impressed,” Mako-chan says, as Gou-chan walks away to coerce Haru-chan out of the pool, as swim practice has ended on Nagisa’s last lap.

            “Thanks, Mako-chan!” Nagisa exclaims cheerily. He thinks about peeking at Rei-chan, but decides against it and skips beside Mako-chan with eyes straight ahead.

            “Nagisa, is everything okay?”

            They’re at the door of the locker room, and Nagisa turns a Nagisa Smile onto Mako-chan, who looks too serious for such a beautiful day.

            “You’re too serious for such a beautiful day, Mako-chan,” Nagisa chastises, adding a quick pout in between his Nagisa Smile sandwich, which he shovel feeds to his teammate until Mako-chan looks satisfied enough to crack a smile of his own, though Nagisa can see it’s hesitant. “Rin-chan told you I called, didn’t he?”

            “He’s worried about you. In his way.”

            Nagisa laughs. “Rin-chan is too serious, too.”

            “So there’s nothing bothering you?”

            “What could be bothering me, Mako-chan?” Nagisa asks, head cocked and tone mock-serious, though in truth he is very serious, and more than that, frightened.

            _What could be bothering me?_

            He hopes for a moment that Mako-chan will know, will be able to tell, read it from Nagisa’s expression the way he can read Haru-chan’s thoughts, that he’ll list out the answer to Nagisa’s question and force Nagisa to face the things he is so scared of, but Mako-chan just widens his hesitant smile until it is not so hesitant anymore, and relief floods over any wisp of disappointment Nagisa might have.

            Of course Mako-chan could not read him. Nagisa is not like Haru-chan, will never have this bond with Mako-chan that Haru-chan does, and he has never wanted it anyway. He is not jealous, no, that’s not the right word, and Nagisa doesn’t allow himself time to think of what the right word actually is.

            “You’re blocking the door, Mako-chan!” Nagisa laughs, pushing Mako-chan’s big body out of the way with exaggerated movements. Mako-chan’s skin leaves a stain of warmth on Nagisa’s hands, but he’s quick to wipe it off on the cool of the door that he pushes open. He skips into the locker room, humming loudly as tunelessly as he can.

            “Good job today, Rei. Your kick is looking stronger than ever.”

            Nagisa pauses in his humming for the shortest of seconds, then is back at it, so loudly he can feel his face turning red.

            “Thank you, Makoto-senpai. I have been training my hardest.”

            “It shows, Rei. We’re all proud of you. I can’t wait to see what you can do in the relay next competition.”

            Nagisa can imagine Rei’s blush too clearly, and it only reminds him of the blush he had expected the day before, and the pallor he had received instead. His hum reaches an unusually high pitch – high enough to attract the attention of the last member of the swim team who must have entered the locker room silently after the other three.

            “Nagisa, shut up.”

            “Yes, sir, Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirps, turning to give Haru-chan a cadet’s salute and a wink.

            Haru-chan does not look amused, but Nagisa does not expect him to, not so soon after he has been forced to part with his pool-san.

            Nagisa glances at Rei-chan mid-salute, but the teen is not looking at him. His face is buried deep into his locker, and Nagisa is left to evaluate the rest of his body, still dripping with water. He sucks in a quick breath and concentrates on holding it, which he is actually rather good at, thanks to swimming, as he opens his own locker and busies himself.

            “…gisa-kun…Nagisa-kun!”

            “Wahh?” Nagisa exhales sharply, slamming his locker door closed and rebounding from the momentum of it so that he feels himself falling, dizzy from having held his breath for so long.

            He expects cold locker room tile and is instead met with soft warmth that is slightly wet. Nagisa peers down at the thing he has collided with instead of the floor, and sees an arm wrapped around his chest. This arm is dripping with water.

            “Rei-chan…” Nagisa murmurs, realizing he is still dizzy. He is slightly surprised that he held his breath for so long without realizing it, but then, it’s not the first time he’s made himself dizzy – although it is the first time he’s done it by accident.

            “Nagisa-kun! What – ? Are you all right?”

            Nagisa knows he needs to get his legs in order and extract himself from Rei-chan’s arms, but he ignores this knowledge just for a few moments more.

            “You saved me, Rei-chan!” Nagisa intends to exclaim it, but his voice is nothing more than a whisper, and he feels Rei-chan’s arms tighten around him as they half-carry, half-drag him to the nearest bench. “Where are the others?” Nagisa asks, once seated, glancing around the suddenly empty locker room.

            “They left…” Rei-chan says slowly.

            Nagisa looks at him and sees that the teen has somehow become fully dressed and is looking at him with eyebrow-pinched concern.

            “I must have zoned out. Silly me!” Nagisa laughs, noticing that Rei-chan still has a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder as he crouches in front of him.

            “Were you – Were you holding your breath, Nagisa-kun?”

            Nagisa considers lying, but Rei-chan is smart. Nagisa has always admired how smart Rei-chan is. “Yep! It’s just a game, Rei-chan, don’t look so stern.”

            “You almost passed out!”

            “Just a game!” Nagisa singsongs, kicking his Nagisa Smile up a few notches until the creases between Rei-chan’s eyebrows have decreased somewhat. Nagisa leans forward, and his nose is an inch from Rei-chan’s. He feels Rei-chan’s hand slip from his shoulder. “Wanna play, Rei-chan?”

            “Ha! Absolutely not, Nagisa-kun! The thought is appalling – I detect no amusement in an activity that deprives me of the most important necessity of life.”

            “Just because _you_ don’t detect any amusement doesn’t mean there isn’t. Maybe you need a new prescription, Rei-chan,” Nagisa suggests, flicking the side of Rei-chan’s glasses.

            Rei-chan immediately stands up, and Nagisa looks up quickly enough to see him readjusting his red frames with his standard thumb-and-forefinger gesture.

            “I can assure you without doubt my prescription is precisely up to standard, Nagisa-kun. Now please hurry up and change before we miss the next bus.”

            Nagisa chatters while he changes, over the slam of his locker and the patter of their footsteps to the bus stop. He talks as they board and does not stop while he shuffles in after Rei-chan to two open seats in the back, not pausing once as he takes his seat beside Rei-chan, nor when the bus begins to move again.

            He does not consider for one second feigning sleep on Rei-chan’s shoulder, and for once does not punctuate his sentences with glances at Rei-chan’s expression.

            He does not want to know, does not want to chance the pale fright of the day before, a fright that could only have come from one thing.

            Rei-chan is frightened of Nagisa. He’s afraid of Nagisa murmuring his name in his sleep, of Nagisa thinking of him in his unconscious because that means he thinks of him while conscious too, thinks of him more than he is supposed to.

            Nagisa understands why this would be scary for Rei-chan. They have witnessed – most often in a patch of nearby bushes that Nagisa drags Rei-chan into – Mako-chan turning down many confessions from girls in his class, and though Mako-chan does it smoothly enough to even leave the girls smiling as they are rejected, Rei-chan has never been quite as smooth as Mako-chan.

            Rei-chan often seems afraid of simple interactions with other people, but to have to reject someone – not just someone, but _Nagisa-kun_ – well, Nagisa can understand the paleness of his face.

            He can understand it, and it hurts, but Nagisa refuses to cause Rei-chan any further discomfort. He refuses to allow Rei-chan to fear him any longer, even if that means he must silence his own feelings – and it’s nothing new, after all, for Nagisa to silence his thoughts. He is a pro, has always been, will always be.

**


	2. Chapter 2

**_\- I spoke to Nagisa 2day. he seems fine. said nothing was wrong. –_ **

**_\- was his swim time off? –_ **

**_\- he swam his best time. –_ **

**_\- k good. thx 4 checking –_ **

**_\- sure, Rin. –_ **

**_\- married haru yet? –_ **

**_\- goodbye, Rin. –_ **

**_\- XD –_ **

******

Sometimes Nagisa really does dream about Rei-chan.

           He doesn’t know if he actually murmurs Rei-chan’s name in his sleep, and does not plan on finding out, as the only people he could find out from are his family – his sisters would mock him ceaselessly, and his parents don’t need another reason to be annoyed with him.

           But whether he speaks of it or not, the presence of Rei-chan in Nagisa’s unconscious is undeniable. Tonight, Nagisa dreams of Rei-chan’s warm arms around his chest and waist, as they had been earlier that day.

           Instead of in the locker room, however, they are in the pool, and Rei-chan is teaching Nagisa how to swim, supporting him around his waist.

           “Don’t you dare let go, Rei-chan!” Nagisa warns sternly. The pool at Iwatobi does not exceed ten feet deep, but Nagisa just knows the depth below him is much more than ten feet – it is indefinite, just more murky water foot after foot, waiting to swallow him up.

           “Are you scared, Nagisa-kun?”

           Nagisa cannot breathe. His head is above the water but he still cannot breathe, his fear is suffocating, feels like drowning, soon he’ll be drowning – “Rei-chan! Rei-chan, promise you won’t let go!”

           “That’s an irrational promise, Nagisa-kun. What if the sky were to fall? Surely then you would rather I let go in order to hold it up above our heads so that we aren’t compressed underneath it.”

           Nagisa looks up at Rei-chan, who is smiling. He is wearing his glasses instead of his goggles, and in that moment Nagisa knows what will happen, and he’s screaming before it does.

           The next moment has Rei-chan’s forefinger and thumb pushing up his glasses on a nose they have not dared to slide down, and that means Rei-chan has unwound one arm from Nagisa’s waist, and his other arm is not enough to keep Nagisa afloat – Nagisa is sinking, flailing, watching Rei-chan adjusting his glasses now through a thin layer of water, now a foot, now two feet…

           Nagisa drowns but despite the water around him, he can still hear his screams, and they are loud, deafening, enough to wake him up to a bed where he is wet from sweat and still screaming, still screaming, still screaming.

*

Contrary to popular belief, Nagisa actually likes school, and complains more for the amusement of it than because he actually finds his classes dull (well, other than math – that time truly is better spent on napping).

           Today, however, Nagisa does not argue with his parents’ insistence that he stay home. They are convinced he is sick, probably because Nagisa convinced them of this after they burst into his room the night before to find him screaming in a cold sweat, and sternly instructed Nagisa that the best course of action would be to call in sick.

           Nagisa, after not much contemplation, agreed. Yes, he likes school, but his absolute favorite part of school is currently making his heart hurt, so Nagisa thinks a day of respite from this particular classmate might do him well.

           Unfortunately, avoiding Rei-chan is not as easy as he wishes.

**_\- Nagisa-kun, do not worry. Sensei has informed me of your illness, and I’ve therefore taken it upon me to take double sets of notes. Please take care of yourself and drink plenty of fluids. –_ **

**_\- thnx rei-chan!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333 i feel better already!! :D –_ **

Nagisa sighs and curls further into the nest of blankets he has dragged to the couch. He is alone at home, and has never had the house to himself. It’s achingly big, and Nagisa is not quite sure what to do with the excess silence. He turned on the TV to provide some sort of noise, but it cannot compare to the shouts of his sisters nor the nagging of his parents, and Nagisa finds himself sitting on the couch with his palms pressed to his ears, rereading Rei-chan’s text over and over.

     It’s so absolutely _Rei-chan_ , and there’s really nothing special about it other than that fact. Nagisa sometimes wonders why it is Rei-chan, why everything is Rei-chan, how quickly everything suddenly became Rei-chan the moment Nagisa met him. There is nothing logical about it, but then, Rei-chan has always been the logical one, and Nagisa quite the opposite. He supposes it only makes sense for his feelings _not_ to make sense.

     Besides, as _annoyingly Rei-chan_ as Rei-chan can be, he makes up for it tenfold by being so _adorably Rei-chan_ , Nagisa thinks, and he is smiling slightly to himself – not a Nagisa Smile, but a rare real smile – when his phone lights up again.

     “Rin-chan!” Nagisa exclaims, on picking it up. There is muted noise coming out of the line before Rin-chan’s voice cuts through it.

     “Do you have to shout every time you pick up the phone?” Rin-chan asks, his wince clear in the grated folds of his voice.

     “Shouldn’t you be at school, Rin-chan?” Nagisa chastises, continuing on full volume as if Rin-chan’s objection had been an invitation.

     “It’s lunch. Makoto texted me, said Rei said you’re sick.”

     “You and Mako-chan talk about me?” Nagisa knows this, of course, after Mako-chan told him, but he wants to hear it from Rin-chan. The image of Rin-chan flustered is one Nagisa is amused to imagine, and Nagisa is eager for some amusement.

     “Shut up. You really sick?”

     “Are you concerned for me, Rin-chaaaan?” Nagisa coos. He used to surprise himself by how easily he could fall back into Cheerful Nagisa Role, but now he’s used to it and hardly notices.

     “So what? I’m not allowed to be concerned for a friend?”

     “Rin-chan! You’ve never called me your friend before!” Nagisa sits up straighter in his nest. He thinks this might be the roommate’s doing, and is glad someone can have a good effect on Rin-chan.

     “That’s a lie! And stop changing the subject, jeez. You don’t sound sick.”

     Nagisa coughs twice into the phone, though it’s hard to make it convincing around another real smile that has managed to slip from his lips – two in ten minutes? It seems impossible.

     “What’s really up, Nagisa?”

     The concern is rare, wrapped around Rin-chan’s gruff voice, and Nagisa likes it there, presses the phone closer to his ear.

     “Nothing, Rin-chan,” Nagisa says sweetly, after only a quick pause. Maybe he wants to tell someone, but he knows he’ll regret it, and sticks to that belief. _You’ll regret it, you’ll regret, keep quiet or you’ll regret it…_ “What’s up with you?”

     “Don’t turn this around!”

     “Are you worried about me, Rin-chan?” Nagisa sings, pulling his blanket back over his shoulder as it had fallen.

     “Maybe I am!”

     Nagisa didn’t expect his, would never have asked if he expected this. His fingers fall from the blanket, which in turn falls off his shoulder again, and he grips the phone with both hands.

            He listens to Rin-chan’s sigh. “Look, Nagisa. I know what it’s like to…you know, pretend or whatever. That things are okay. And now, for me, things are finally okay, but I still remember what it was like, and when you called the other day, there was something familiar in your voice. Well, you sounded like I used to, you know what I mean?”

            Nagisa sucks in his breath, then remembers Rei-chan isn’t in his house to catch him if he gets dizzy again, and exhales slowly. “No,” he lies, because he’s good at that, the lying. “I don’t know what you mean.” He’s whispering, and Nagisa shakes his head at himself. Nagisa does not whisper. Nagisa is cheerful and full of energy, too much energy, too loud, all the time.

            “Ah fuck. Give me a second, all right?”

            Nagisa waits as the muted noise he’d heard on picking up quiets and becomes silent. He considers hanging up, but his grip has become viselike around his phone without his permission.

            “’Kay, I’m out of the cafeteria. Just tell me what’s up. It’ll just get worse if you stay silent.”

            _Will it?_ Nagisa thinks. He has stayed silent for so long, he doesn’t know any other way. “Nothing’s up, Rin-chan,” Nagisa says, closing his eyes. Sometimes he hates himself, hates that he can’t say it, hates that he tries to drown out his thoughts with words too loud but can’t even find the voice for the thoughts themselves, when he has the chance to speak them.

            Maybe he’s always had that chance. He doesn’t know, doesn’t want to think about it, opens his eyes and searches the living room for a distraction to exclaim cheerily at Rin-chan. The current topic is too scary.

            Rin-chan sighs again. Nagisa imagines he is pulling at his hair in his Rin-chan way, and his lips pull up slightly at the thought. He widens his lips deliberately into a Nagisa Smile. He read on the internet once that forcing oneself to smile can actually increase happiness.

            By that rule, Nagisa should be the happiest person alive.

            “If you can’t tell me, fine. But tell Makoto, will you? He lives to deal with this kind of stuff.”

            Nagisa is about to object, but Rin-chan continues.

            “You could tell Haru too. He’s a water-brained idiot, but he’s good to talk to sometimes, you know? Or talk to Rei. You guys are close, aren’t you?”

            Nagisa almost laughs, but the pain in his chest is too great, and instead he just hunches over, wishing his nest of blankets were enough to suffocate him. “Mmm. Sure, Rin-chan,” he murmurs, yawning. “I’m kinda tired, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

            “Seriously, Nagisa. Don’t hold it in.”

            “Give your boyfriend a smooch from me!”

            “Dammit, Nagisa!”

            “Bye, Rin-chan!” Nagisa clicks his phone off and drops it by the foot of the couch. He nestles himself into his blankets and pretends this is a nightmare too, and he’s about to wake up soon, it’s got to be soon.

**

**_\- talk 2 nagisa –_ **

**_\- Rin-chan-san? I am currently on the way to Nagisa-kun’s house right now to drop off the school work he missed. Do you have information on his condition? –_ **

**_\- just talk 2 ur friend –_ **

**_\- Of course, Rin-chan-san. –_ **

**_\- and dont call me that –_ **

**_\- Sorry, Rin-chan-san! –_ **

**

The knock on the door is quiet, and Nagisa is tempted to pretend he does not hear it.

           Instead, he unfolds himself from the nest of blankets that failed to suffocate him despite the hours spent wallowing in them and trudges to his door, checking that his Nagisa Smile is hitched on correctly in the mirror beside it before pulling the door open.

           Rei-chan’s smile is stiff. Obviously he, unlike Nagisa, has not checked it in a mirror before presenting it, but this matters not to Nagisa’s heart, which begins beating as foolishly as it does even when presented with Rei-chan’s normal, dorky smile.

           “Hello, Nagisa-kun. I hope you are well. Please tell me if your sickness is contagious before I step forward.”

           Nagisa rolls his eyes. “It’s not contagious, Rei-chan. Come in.” It occurs to Nagisa that he has not changed out of his pajamas, which are horribly wrinkled and probably smell like his sweat from the night before.

           Nagisa cringes and looks down at his penguin-clad boxer shorts and pink-and-yellow striped t-shirt as he turns away from the door.

           “You are not wearing pants, Nagisa-kun,” Rei-chan says, and Nagisa turns to see that the teen has followed him into the kitchen.

           “What a keen observation, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, mimicking Rei-chan’s observational tone and miming pushing nonexistent glasses up his nose.

           Rei-chan does not appear amused, but his disgruntlement is quickly replaced by concern. “Are you feeling better, Nagisa-kun? It’s not like you to miss school.”  

           Nagisa, who has been busy with his head in the fridge, peeks out the side of the door and scrunches his eyes at Rei-chan. It is very like Nagisa to miss school. Nagisa is careless and carefree – isn’t that the front he’s been putting up? How can Rei-chan see anything different?

           “I feel wonderful, Rei-chan. Just a tummy ache. Let’s eat!”

           “I really cannot stay long. I only came to deliver the schoolwork you missed and the notes I took for you. Please complete your work by tomorrow and be back in school. It’s not wise to miss two days of class in a row.”

           “Don’t worry, I’ll be there,” Nagisa waves him off, pulling a jar of pickles out of the fridge to give them a hearty sniff before placing them back on the shelf.

           “Nagisa-kun.”

           Nagisa, head deep in the cheese drawer, flings himself out and flashes a high power Nagisa Smile at the teen standing in his kitchen. “Yes, Rei-chan?”

           Rei-chan stares at him for a long moment, then readjusts his glasses. When his hand falls, Nagisa sees that his expression is serious, which is not out of the norm for Rei-chan, but this is a caliber of seriousness Nagisa is not able to identify in his mental log of Classic Rei-chan Expressions.

           The expression quickly disintegrates into that same stiff smile Rei-chan showcased on showing up at his front door. “Text me if you need help deciphering my notes. I hope to see you tomorrow in perfect health in school.”

           “You too, Rei-chan,” Nagisa murmurs, watching Rei-chan walk out of his kitchen. As he listens to the front door open and close, he thinks that there has never been handwriting less precise than Rei-chan, and Rei-chan surely knows no one – not even stupid Nagisa-kun – would need help deciphering his font-like scrawl.

**

**_\- did you talk 2 nagisa –_ **

**_\- Nagisa-kun appears to be perfectly fine, Rin-chan-san. If you have information to suspect anything otherwise, please see fit to share with me. –_ **

**_\- just keep an eye on him –_ **

**_\- What is going on, Rin-chan-san? Should I be concerned? Has Nagisa-kun spoken to you? Please tell me. –_ **

**_\- Rin-chan-san? –_ **

**_\- Hello? –_ **

**

Rei-chan is talking to Mako-chan and Haru-chan when Nagisa comes out of the locker room after swim practice. He knows it’s paranoid to think they are talking about him, but Nagisa thinks so anyway, and pauses outside the locker room door, watching them while the drips of his wet hair cool his shoulder as they sink through his school shirt.

           Rei-chan appears incredibly flustered, Nagisa notes. The side of his face visible to Nagisa is red, and his hands fumble around each other as they gesture while he talks. He hitches up his glasses one, two, three times in the fifty seconds since Nagisa has been watching.

           Nagisa does not like looking at anything or anyone but Rei-chan, but as that is an unfortunate necessity of life, he is well accustomed to tearing his gaze away from his classmate and looks at Mako-chan. His expression is of discomfort and concern, pinching his eyebrows together and clouding his turned down eyes.

           Haru-chan has his back to Nagisa, but his expression is easiest to imagine – most likely it is as calm and unreadable as the surface of a pool. There are not many things that can make ripples in Haru-chan’s expression – Nagisa doubts that he is one of those things, if he even is the current topic of the three boys’ conversation.

           Nagisa can hear nothing from his post by the locker room door, and chances a few steps forward, knowing he is risking being in Mako-chan’s view. However, Mako-chan is very concentrated on Rei-chan, so Nagisa feels he can take the risk, though a large part of him simply wants to backtrack, lock himself in the locker room, and stay there until he is sure their conversation is over, and maybe even a little longer.

           “…how can I calm down, Makoto-senpai?” Rei-chan hisses in one of those whispers that sound more like shouts.

           “Makoto is right, Rei. Right now, there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do. Rin is an idiot for being so cryptic – ”

           “Haru – ” Mako-chan murmurs, but he is quickly overridden as Haru-chan ignores him.

           “ – but that’s not surprising. I’ll talk to him and see if he’s just spewing nonsense and messing with you or if there’s actually something he’s worried about.”

           “And I’m sure Nagisa is fine, Rei,” Makoto adds, in that comforting voice Nagisa wishes he could drown in. “His swim times have been better than ever the last few days – don’t you think if something were wrong with him it would show in his swimming?”

           “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, Makoto-senpai, but not everything is related to swimming.”        

           “Of course not.”

           “Incorrect. Everything is related to swimming.”

           “Haru!”

           “I’m sorry, Haruka-senpai.”

           “You don’t need to apologize, Rei. Haru-chan is a special case.”

           “Drop the –chan.”

           “Of course, Haru-chan.”

           Nagisa steps back out of earshot and leans against the door of the locker room. The chatter of his friends is familiar and their concern well-intended, but Nagisa wishes it too could be silenced. The fact that Rei-chan is worried over Nagisa’s problems make him feel nauseous, and Nagisa even covers his lips with his palm, wondering if he were to finally open his mouth to word the truth, it would simply be drowned in the bile that burns his throat.

*

When Rei-chan has calmed and Haru-chan and Makoto-chan have walked off to art club where Haru-chan recently joined and Mako-chan, of course, joined with him, Nagisa forces himself off the locker room door and skips to Rei-chan, who is straightening his tie.

           “Ready, Rei-chan?”

           “I’ve been ready,” Rei-chan replies stiffly, already walking away.

           Nagisa follows him easily, punctuating his humming with glances at Rei-chan’s expression. The heavy afternoon sun glints off his glasses in a way that causes a bright white glare every time Nagisa looks at him, but to go blind would be worth the few moments of Rei-chan’s profile he can glimpse between flashes of sun.

           He thinks if he could take a chunk of time and stretch it into forever, he would take these bus rides with Rei-chan. He would not mind if the bus never took him home, he would not mind if they simply kept driving and never stopped, he would not mind it one bit.

           “Something _is_ wrong,” Rei-chan announces suddenly, as they stand at the bus stop.

           Nagisa has been watching the flowers on the other side of the road blow in the slight breeze, and glances up at Rei-chan. “What, Rei-chan?”

           Rei-chan looks at him, and Nagisa realizes – he has forgotten to keep up his constant chatter. He has let himself, for once, fall into his thoughts, he has been so foolish, and he realizes this with a sharp pang of regret.

           “Nagisa-kun. Everyone is worried about you.”

           Nagisa looks at the sky. It’s orange today, like the oranges Rei-chan had in his lunch. Nagisa forgot to steal a wedge. Another mistake, one that Rei-chan has no doubt picked up on, logged in that big brain of his, maybe in a mental file labeled _The Inconsistencies of that Problematic and Loud Nagisa-kun_.

           “It’s a beautiful day, Rei-chan,” Nagisa comments softly. The breeze has his hair tickling the sides of his face, and he’s absolutely dying to glance at Rei-chan, to watch the way the wind flicks his dark hair over his pale forehead, but he does not dare.

           “Nagisa-kun. Are you listening to me?”

           Nagisa nods once. He’s always listening to Rei-chan, even when he speaks over Rei-chan he’s listening to him; he would listen to Rei-chan till the end of the world – how can Rei-chan not know this? How can he be _so damn smart_ and still not know this?

           “Your actions these past few days have been of great concern to the team, Nagisa-kun.”

           Nagisa nods again. Yes, he knows he is a burden. Yes, he knows he is unpredictable, he is crazy Nagisa-kun, always up to something, never something good.

           “I would appreciate it greatly if you shared with me what is troubling you. Nagisa-kun.”

           Nagisa tilts his head just slightly, glances at Rei-chan from the corners of his eyes.

           Rei-chan is blushing, and he is so beautiful Nagisa has to clench his teeth to stop himself from saying so.

           He does not want to scare Rei-chan away, will do anything to keep Rei-chan by his side.

           “We are – Well, we’re friends, are we not? And so – ” Rei-chan adjusts his glasses with flustered fingers while Nagisa nearly breaks his neck in the speed with which he turns to stare at his classmate fully, “ – it is only right that you are to tell me what is on your mind, if what is on your mind is affecting your well-being. That is, after all, the main function of friends. Ahem. To be, ah, there for each other and such, so on, as it would seem…”

           Rei-chan’s ramblings are the kinds of things Nagisa has never thought existed, the kinds of things that must be like unicorns and two-headed penguins and never-ending chocolate fountains. He wants to frame the sound of them and hang them on his wall, and when that’s not enough, he wants to paint the walls of his room with them, the ceiling of the sky with them, the curves of the clouds with them.

           He wishes Rei-chan’s ramblings were in his head, always, instead of the thoughts he has, the thoughts he is so scared of.

           He feels his smile, and it is not a Nagisa Smile. It is a smile that makes Rei-chan trail off on his ramblings and blush much more deeply, the kind that disappears down the pale collar of his neck, the kind that clashes delightfully with his red-rimmed glasses.

           “D-Don’t laugh at me!”

           “I’m not laughing at you, Rei-chan!” Nagisa objects, mid-laugh. He wishes he could explain that he is laughing because it feels _good_ , because he hasn’t laughed in so long and he’s forgotten what it feels like, to laugh for real.

           Still, he cuts himself off before Rei-chan’s blush deepens so much that his skin burns off.

           Rei-chan’s mortified glare is interrupted by the arrival of the bus, and Nagisa boards behind him, trailing him to two open seats at the back, sitting beside him and inching slightly closer than usual, then inching back away on second thought.

           Rei-chan sees himself as his friend; that is no reason to lose his head.

           “Well?”

           “Hmm?” Nagisa hums, peering up at Rei-chan, who has simmered down to a delightful pink.

           “Nagisa-kun! Why have you been acting so strangely?”

           “I have not.”

           “Yes, you have.”

           “How so?” Nagisa demands. He needs to know what he has been doing wrong, what he has been letting slip, so that he might cover it up quickly again.

           Rei-chan lifts his chin and clears his throat, looking at Nagisa from below his glasses. “I have noticed differences in your actions for a while now, but only recently was it brought to my attention that Rin-chan-san – ”

           Nagisa stifles his laugh, but not subtlety enough, and Rei-chan interrupts himself with a glare before continuing.

           “ – expressed to me his own doubts of your well-being. I was never quite able to quantify my unease, and the lack of actual tangible evidence has been, well, a struggle to overcome,” Rei-chan pauses, and Nagisa watches him curiously.

           Rei-chan seems to be at some sort of war with himself, clearly frustrated by the lack of scientific evidence and research opportunities available when it comes to that troubling Nagisa-kun.

           “I suppose Rin-chan-san’s concerns were a tipping point of sorts for my own reservations, and I – I wish I could have figured out – I have never encountered such difficulty in finding a _solution_ , and I have contemplated much on the subject and come to the conclusion that this is due primarily to the lack of a precisely defined _problem,_ but if I cannot find an answer, if I cannot fix this – ”

           “Rei-chan,” Nagisa gasps, because the teen suddenly looks close to crying, and Nagisa can’t stand that Rei-chan’s confusions and frustration are somehow his fault.

           Rei-chan’s jaw is working against itself, and his fingers fumble into his frames, knocking the glasses for once down his nose, but he leaves them there – the one time they have actually slid down they are left in that location, and to Nagisa, this is the most tragic thing.

           “It’s just – What good am I? What good are the grades and schoolwork and studying if I cannot – When it’s the most important issue, the most critical, and my extensive knowledge of theory and formula is still not nearly sufficient enough to make a difference – I am useless, after all of the effort, they were all right – ”

           Nagisa can’t wrap his head around the bulk of what Rei-chan is spewing, increasingly quickly and increasingly quietly, sinking down into himself so that Nagisa has to lean forward with each word. He can, however, grasp a few phrases here and there, and grabs onto one, clutches it tight and wields it to demand some semblance of clarification.

           “They were right? Who is ‘they,’ Rei-chan?”

           Rei-chan looks at him as if it hurts, and Nagisa suspects it does. “Everyone who never understood why I put this much stake into my schoolwork. They were right – When they said all of the effort and time spent was pointless, I always thought there could be use, but if I can’t even _fix this most important_ – ” Rei-chan cuts himself off with a swallow that looks painful, the slow rise and fall of his Adam’s apple straining under pale skin. “They were right,” he concludes, quietly, and his twisting fingers fall into a disjointed pile of themselves in Rei-chan’s lap as his shoulders slump forward, defeated.

           Nagisa’s eyes have never been so narrowed, and he can hardly make out Rei-chan under his confusion. “…Fix this…Fix – me? Rei-chan, are you talking about fixing me? Are you saying you can’t fix _me?_ ”

           Rei-chan looks absolutely horrified. “I didn’t mean – You’re not broken, Nagisa-kun, that’s not at all in any circumstance what I intended to – I – ” Rei-chan’s words stop, and he is simply staring at Nagisa in wide-eyed open-mouthed _terror._

           “I’m not broken,” Nagisa echoes numbly, more because he wants to taste the words on his lips than anything else.

           “I’m so sorry, Nagisa-kun.”

           Nagisa cannot imagine why Rei-chan is apologizing, but lets him, as it’s easier than attempting to fill the silence with his own voice.

           For the first time, Nagisa is speechless, and his thoughts threaten to tumble out – he cannot let that happen. No matter what Rei-chan has said, Nagisa cannot let that happen.

           Rei-chan shoulders his responsibility of filling this silence surprisingly well, continuing his apologies until Nagisa arrives at his stop, after which Nagisa even thinks he can still hear the echo of them trailing after him as he walks off the bus, shadowing him on the way home, slinking through his door right before he can shut it, falling next to him on his bed where he collapses.

           _I’m sorry, Nagisa-kun, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Nagisa-kun, please forgive me._

           He buries his head in his pillow, but he can still hear them, he can hear everything, so he starts screaming again because he thinks that is how he woke up from his first nightmare, and he’s still hoping he’ll wake again.

           And there’s also the fact that Nagisa could do with another day off from school tomorrow.

**

**_\- Nagisa-kun. I am so sorry. I wish I knew more words in which to say this, but it seems that my lexicon is not as impressive as I once hoped. –_ **

**_**_ **

**_\- Nagisa is out of school again. Rei says their sensei said he was sick again. –_ **

**_\- thnx 4 keeping me updated –_ **

**_\- what do you think is wrong with him? did Haru text you? –_ **

**_\- he called last night but i couldnt talk –_ **

**_\- this is important, Rin. –_ **

**_\- u dont have 2 tell me –_ **

**_\- do you know anything you haven’t told me? –_ **

**_\- all i know is…its probably worse than u think –_ **

**_\- Rin, what the hell? what does that mean? –_ **

**_\- gotta go –_ **

**_\- Rin! –_ **

**_\- keep me posted –_ **

**_\- don’t you dare leave this conversation like that. –_ **

**_\- Rin? –_ **

**_\- dammit, Rin! –_ **

**_**_ **

“Haru. I’m surprised you picked up.”

           “I’m surprised you called.”

           Rin laughs at the monotone of Haru’s voice. The kid never changes. “How’s it going?”

           “Tell me you didn’t call to ask me that.”

           Rin sighs and kneads his forehead. He wishes he could say he’d forgotten how annoying Haru is, but the thing is, he hasn’t forgotten, and that only makes it worse. “It’s Nagisa.”

           “Why didn’t you pick up last night?”

           “I was busy.”

           “With Nitori?”

           Rin, who has been pacing his room, pauses to kick his trashcan. It’s a good thing Nitori is at class, as he goes on too much about the frequency with which Rin _let’s his anger get the best of his judgment and takes it out on inanimate objects._ “I told Makoto not to say anything! Ah, fuck, don’t bother, you mind read each other, didn’t you?”

           “Mind reading is impossible.”

           “Don’t give me that shit, Nanase!” Rin snaps. He pushes his bangs out of his eyes and keeps his fist clenched in his hair, pulsing his hand. “Look just – can we stay on topic? Jesus.”

           “Sure, Rin. What do you know about Nagisa? And why is it that you know about Nagisa and no one else does?”

           “How the hell should I know! The kid called me, I didn’t ask for it!”

           Haru doesn’t say anything, and Rin knows he’s waiting for a further explanation. Rin sits on the edge of the bottom bunk and picks up the crumpled ball of his math homework that had flown out of the trash when he’d kicked it.

           “Nagisa didn’t tell me anything.”

           “But?”

           Rin throws the crumpled paper, aiming for the cup on Nitori’s desk that is filled with pencils, but it bounces off Nitori’s chair and rolls out of reach. _“But_ I think – I think he’s not okay.”

           Haru remains silent, and Rin let’s himself fall onto his back on the mattress.

           “Remember when I was not okay?”

           “Yeah.”

           “I didn’t want to tell anyone because I thought talking would just make things worse. I figured if I just kept everything inside then it’d just go away, you know? Because everything I felt – I thought it was stupid.”

           “It wasn’t stupid.”

           “Well yeah, I know that. Now. But before the tournament, before the relay, I just – I was – ” Rin exhales a puff of breath, but Haru finishes his sentence for him.

           “Lonely.”

           “Yeah.”

           “You think Nagisa is lonely.”

           “I dunno. He doesn’t really have any reason to be. But at the same time… I had Nitori, and my teammates, but I still felt like – like something was missing. And I guess I put on this front, and that’s what Nagisa is doing, it seems.”

           “How do you know that?”

           Rin stretches out his free hand and touches the bottom of the top bunk with the tips of his fingers. “When I was putting on that act, I refused to talk about myself. I’d seek out my teammates sometimes, have conversations, want to talk about anything and everything because it was all better than the thoughts in my head, you know?”

           “Nagisa has always been like that.”

           “Yeah. But then, maybe there’s always been something bothering him. I dunno, I never did understand that kid. Look, it’s just a feeling I got when he called the other day. I wasn’t thinking much before – When we were younger, all I thought about was winning, and then it was all about beating you, and then it was all about being you know, friends with you guys or whatever.”

           “Mm.”

           Rin closes his eyes and drops his arm back by his side. “So I never really paid much attention to Nagisa, and even if I had, I wouldn’t have noticed. But now, after I went through all that shit, I know what it’s like, I guess I just know what to look for. And hearing him – he sounded like I did. Like he was trying too hard.”

           “What do we do?”

           Rin shrugs before remembering Haru can’t see him. “Dunno. He just needs to get it all out.”

           “How do we make him talk?”

           “Well don’t tie him to a chair and beat him, jeez, Nanase. Just – Shit, I don’t know. How the hell should I know?”

           “You’re being useless.”

           “What the – You bastard!”

           Haru’s silence is punctuated only by the clicks coming from Rin’s door, and Rin lifts up his head to see the door opening to allow Nitori’s entrance.

           “Good afternoon, Rin-sem – Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were on the phone!”

           “Gotta go, Haru.”

           “Not yet. Think of a solution.”

           “Why can’t you do that?” Rin grumbles, sitting up to watch Nitori’s eyes widen at the trash all over the floor. His gaze on Rin’s is at first concern, which he tries unsuccessfully to mask with sternness.

           “Don’t just hang up to fool around with your boyfriend.”

           “What’s with you people? He’s not my – Ah, fuck, whatever, don’t tell me what to do, I’ll do what I want. Make sure you can get Nagisa to talk to you guys.”

           “Rin, don’t you dare hang up.”

           Rin hangs up and throws his phone on the mattress. “Sorry about that,” he says, sheepishly, at Nitori’s glare, which softens immediately.

           “Is everything okay, sempai?”

           Rin grins. “I know how you can make it better.”

           Nitori’s blush is enough to erase everything else from Rin’s mind.

**

Nagisa thinks the doctor’s office could do with some color, and says so to fill in the silence.

           “Your office could do with some color. You should paint butterflies on the walls! And penguins, of course.”

           “Of course?” the doctor asks, taking her stethoscope from her ears and wrapping it around her neck.

           Nagisa nods, his legs swinging back and forth from where they hang off the cot he is perched on. “How’s my heart?”

           “Working perfectly,” the doctor says.

           It shouldn’t be a surprise, but it is. Nagisa hadn’t expected her to say _broken_ exactly, but perfect seems optimistic even if he hadn’t felt such pain in his chest.

           “Nagisa-kun, tell me. Why did your parents bring you here?”

           Nagisa shrugs, turning his attention to the poster of the bunny on the wall to his left. It is the one blemish on the otherwise white walls. The bunny is brown with big black eyes. It looks soft.

           “Your father said you’ve taken to screaming a lot lately.”

           “Hmm,” Nagisa hums.           

           “Is that true?”

           “My sisters are very loud. Sometimes you have to scream to be heard.” Nagisa peeks at the doctor. She is pretty, he thinks, with cropped black hair and wide eyes. She wears glasses with blue frames, and Nagisa stares, almost waiting for her to push them up her nose before remembering that this is a Rei-chan thing, and not everyone is as dorky as Rei-chan no matter how much Nagisa might wish the world was simply full of Rei-chans.

           “Is that why you were screaming? To be heard?”

           Nagisa shrugs again.

           “Your parents said you said you felt sick.”

           “That too.”

           The doctor sighs and puts her clipboard on the cot beside Nagisa. “Nagisa-kun. You should be honest with me.”

           “I am being honest,” Nagisa murmurs.

           “Are you in any pain?”

           Nagisa bites his lip. “Not currently…”

           “Are you just telling your parents stories so you won’t have to go to school?”

           Nagisa sighs. “No. I like school.”

           “You do?”

           “Yes,” Nagisa insists. He looks at this doctor and wonders if he can tell her. She is harmless; he will not see her again, most likely. He opens his lips, but cannot produce any more sound – no, she is not harmless. If he talks now, he knows he won’t be able to stop, and it won’t be his usual Nagisa Nonsense. It will be the truth, it will be all of his fears laid out for everyone to see, and Nagisa is not ready for that.

           “I don’t think there’s anything medically wrong with you, Nagisa-kun.”

           “Me neither.”

           “Then why are you here?”

           Nagisa looks at his hands, folded on his lap. _You’re not broken, Nagisa-kun._

           Rei-chan is the smartest person Nagisa knows, but he can’t help but think Rei-chan is wrong.

           Nagisa feels broken. He feels _wrong_. And if Rei-chan cannot fix him, and the doctor cannot find anything wrong with him, perhaps this is permanent, perhaps it won’t get better.

           Yes, Nagisa is in pain. He’s just too scared to admit it.

*

Nagisa locks his door before shedding his boxers and sitting on the edge of his bed. He thinks about Rei-chan and curls his toes into the fabric of his carpet at his arousal.

           His breathing shallows, exhales and inhales pushing each other to make room for themselves. He tips his head back and closes his eyes to the ceiling.

           He thinks briefly about allowing himself to murmur Rei-chan’s name, but feels foolish at the thought and stays silent but for quick gasps chasing each other out of parted lips.

           For a brief few minutes, the image of Rei-chan and the well of pressure and the release that comes in prickling pleasure is enough to silence all thoughts but Rei-chan, but the moment is over quickly enough.

           Nagisa cleans up and buries the soiled tissues at the bottom of his trash. He pulls on his boxers and lays back in bed, feeling exhausted and spent. He feels empty as he often does afterwards, and curls into himself on his side.

           He feels stupid and silly and scared and wrong and _broken_ , and when he starts crying he does not stop.

*


	3. Chapter 3

“Nagisa-kun.”

           “Hello, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, and he forgets to sound Nagisa Cheerful, the effect of which is clear in the somberness of Rei-chan’s gaze – although to be fair, it had been somber to begin with, tracing Nagisa’s way to his seat from the door of their classroom.

           “I wanted to say again – ”

           “Please don’t apologize again, Rei-chan,” Nagisa interrupts.

           Rei-chan reddens and nods. “Yes, of course not. Sorry, Nagisa-kun – Er, what I mean to say is, ah, sorry, I didn’t intend to apologize again, and then again after that – ”

           “It’s okay.” Nagisa sits in his seat in front of Rei-chan. For once, he is glad he cannot see the teen behind him, and focuses on Sensei, who has called for the classes’ attention.

           Class passes slowly, and Nagisa is glad for it. The longer time stretches before swim practice, the better.

           To make time trudge on even more slowly, Nagisa does not once turn around to make a comment to Rei-chan, as he usually does. He stares resolutely at the front of the room, concentrating so hard he does not hear a thing of the lecture nor take one note.

**

They use the same shampoo.

           Rin ran out two weeks before, and as a temporary solution took to borrowing Nitori’s until it simply became a habit, and he forgot about buying new shampoo for himself entirely. As a consequence, he smells himself in Nitori’s hair, and the familiarity of it is somehow an even bigger turn-on on top of all the things about Nitori that already have Rin’s insides unraveling into smoke that burns his skin all over.

           There is something about the way they are tied together by the smell of their shampoo, as if they are destined to be, if Rin gave any thought to destiny, which he doesn’t, at least not at that moment when Nitori is kissing along his collarbone and Rin can think of nothing – nothing but the smell of Nitori’s shampoo, and how incredibly hot he feels.

           He is only wearing boxers, but that is suddenly too much, he is burning, melting, has to take it off or better yet, have the boy on top of him take it off for him.

           “Take them off,” Rin murmurs, deep into Nitori’s hair.

           Nitori lifts his lips from Rin’s skin and looks at him with heavy-lidded eyes, such a stark contrast from the usual wide gaze that Rin can’t help but moan quietly at the sight, forgetting for a moment the issue of the excess clothing and lifting his head off the pillow to reach Nitori’s parted lips and kiss them, slowly.

           He sucks on Nitori’s bottom lip, bites gently with his teeth and pulls until Nitori is whimpering, brief little snippets of sound that cut through the harsh exchange of their breath in a way that feels electrifying.

           “R-Rin-sempai…”

           “Nitori,” Rin murmurs, softly kissing where he has just bitten, begging for forgiveness for the small pain he has inflicted with a surplus of pleasure. He dips his tongue past Nitori’s lips and wants to make Nitori feel as though his insides are melting too – he wants Nitori to feel his own heat, he wants them to share their temperature as they do the smell of their hair – he wants them to share everything, sweat and taste and touch and entire bodies.

           “Mm,” Nitori moans until Rin ducks away from him and he is whimpering into the breadth of space between their lips.

           “Get up, Nitori.”

           Nitori does not move, just stares at Rin with that heavy-lidded gaze, and Rin does not look away from Nitori’s flushed face as he lets his hands find Nitori’s slim waist and pushes the boy up by his hips.

           Nitori simply blinks at him until Rin reaches up and takes Nitori’s hand from his hair, placing it instead on the waistband of his own underwear.

           “Take them off, Nitori.”

           Nitori nods slowly, and Rin feels him slip his fingers under the waistband and against his hips, but Nitori does nothing more, and Rin leans up to kiss the corner of Nitori’s lips, into which he whispers, “It’s okay, Ai.”

           He can feel Nitori’s exhale on his cheek, the brush of heat simultaneous to the cool slip of fingers down Rin’s thigh, hitching once until Nitori lifts himself up and briefly unstraddles Rin to pull Rin’s boxers off his knees, down his shins, free from his feet. Nitori sits uncertainly on the side of the bed against the wall, his eyes trained on the floor where Rin assumes Nitori has thrown his boxers, but Rin is not sure as he won’t look away from Nitori’s face.

           Rin raises a hand to Nitori’s cheek, lets his thumb slide across his beauty mark and fall into place on the side of his face.

           Nitori’s thumbs are hooked in the waistband of his own underwear, and his fingers twitch but don’t move any further.

           Rin wants Nitori to look at him but doesn’t know how to ask without sounding like an idiot, and says nothing. He drops his hand from Nitori’s cheek and cups Nitori’s hand in his, dipping his own fingers next to Nitori’s thumb into his waistband.

           He lifts an eyebrow and waits.

           Nitori is always more than eager, usually the one to instigate things, surprisingly, jumping into Rin’s bed or onto Rin’s lap without warning. But Rin cannot let himself forget that he has a year over Nitori, and if Rin thinks back to himself a year before, he is fully aware that he was a complete mess. He knows equally well that Nitori is much more mature than Rin was at his age, but Rin is wary nonetheless.

           Rin is well-accustomed to ruining things, breaking things. His friendships, his relationships, his own self-esteem – he’s torn it all apart quite effectively, and it took him longer than he wishes to stitch everything back together again. Nitori is something whole and pure, and Rin cannot stand the thought of breaking him too.

           Rin is so scared of himself, scared every time he touches the boy, every time Nitori allows him this privilege because for some reason Rin cannot fathom, Nitori seems to trust him completely.

           A few months before, Rin would never have believed Nitori’s sanity for trusting a guy like him, but now, Rin has realized that it is healthy to trust himself, that he needs to get over his fear of breaking things and see himself in a better light – see himself the way Nitori does.

           Now, however, Rin is asking for more trust than ever before, both from himself and from this boy whose hands are sweaty under his. They talked about it before – twenty minutes before, actually, when Nitori walked in their room after brushing his teeth, closed the door behind him, and announced that he thought it was about time they had sex, and if Rin had a condom or if Nitori would have to provide (a service he was well-equipped for, apparently, as he took Rin’s shocked silence as denial of his first question and produced a handful of condoms from his backpack along with a tube that boasted STRAWBERRY SCENTED in large black letters).

           Rin was more than on board, despite Nitori’s incredibly awkward announcement, leading to the moment where he is pulling down one side of Nitori’s underwear while Nitori pulls down the other. Rin lets go when it is at his knees and traces his thumb up Nitori’s thigh until he gets to the crease where his waist meets his leg, and Rin is tracing downward, dizzy and hot and hungry with scattered thoughts full of Nitori and only Nitori and –

           Rin’s thumb freezes at the sound of his phone’s text alert, but he is more than prepared to ignore it until it beeps a few seconds later, and then immediately after that.

           “Sempai. That sounds important.”

           Rin groans and glares at the bottom of the top bunk. “It’s not,” he concludes shortly.

           The phone, in an obvious effort of traitorous sabotage, beeps even more cheerily before Rin can even get the words out.

           “Fuck,” he murmurs, because he can easily ignore four text messages but he knows Nitori cannot.

           “It’s okay,” Nitori says, voice light, and Rin glances at him. His smile is small but genuine. “You should check. We have forever.”          

           Rin blinks, and Nitori blushes, opening his lips as if to retract his words, but no sound comes out. Rin is glad, this time, when another text message alert interrupts the stunned silence between them.

           He sits up on the mattress and reaches for his phone, but it’s too far away on his desk, and Rin is forced to get up with a stream of curses and walk over.

           He realizes, as he stands, that he is completely naked, but his boxers lie beside his pants a few steps away, and Rin cannot be bothered.

**_\- Nagisa tied with Haru in a race today. –_ **

**_\- he did not say a word, Rin, not one word. –_ **

**_\- you need to come down here, talk to him or something. he called you first so maybe…I don’t know. but something needs to change. –_ **

**_\- Rin-chan-san, I don’t know what your involvement with Nagisa-kun has been over these past few days, but his behavior has gotten to the point where I am left with no alternative choice but to ask you the favor of coming to talk to him yourself, in person. I wish I could help him, but there seems to be nothing I can do – yet I refuse to accept this nothing. I’m sorry, but I will not take your refusal, and if I do not receive a conformational reply, you can expect a visit from me by tomorrow night to personally force you to speak with Nagisa-kun. I apologize for any disrespect, but I am, truthfully, more desperate for an answer than I have ever found myself. –_ **

**_\- matsuoka, we need u –_ **

           The disconcertion of the fact that he is standing completely naked while reading the texts of Makoto, Rei, and Haru sinks in, and Rin puts his phone down to retrieve his jeans and them on. He sighs as he rereads the texts, not even registering irritation at Rei’s ridiculously long spiel as worry pricks his cooling skin.

           “Sempai?”

           Rin is startled and looks at the bed, where Nitori has pulled a blanket over himself and holds it to his shoulders.

           “Oh, Ai, shit, sorry, I can’t – ”

           Nitori’s smile cuts him off. “It’s okay, Rin. I understand. You’re worried about your friend – I admire that.”

           Rin grabs his phone and walks back towards the bed, lifting the blanket and waiting for Nitori to slide over before he ducks under the blanket with him and presses his back to Nitori’s stomach. Nitori’s arms wind around Rin’s hips, and Rin turns to murmur into Nitori’s bare shoulder, “I don’t want anything distracting me from you.”

           He feels Nitori’s nod against his shoulder. “I know.”

           “Besides, didn’t you say something about forever?”

           “Sempai!” Nitori squirms, and Rin laughs as he feels the boy bury his face into the back of his shoulder.

           “Better not take it back now.”

           “I won’t,” Nitori murmurs, his voice falling away to a breath that slowly evens out against Rin’s skin.

           Rin wishes he could relax into the boy’s arms, but can’t fight off that prickling worry as he rereads the five texts a third time.

           He makes a group chat for Makoto, Rei, and Haru.

**_– set up a swim practice 2morrow and make sure hes there. c u at iwatobi pool at noon –_ **

*

“What?”

           Rin hates buses. They’re crowded and hot and noisy as hell, a much-despised alternative to the setting Rin has just left – a warm bed from where he refused to let Nitori escape ( _“What about breakfast, sempai! It’s almost noon!” “Who the hell eats breakfast at noon? Just stay a bit longer, idiot. It’ll be cold without you, and I’m not ready to get up.” “You’re so lazy, Rin-sempai. Shouldn’t you be getting ready to meet your friends now anyway?” “Shut up, Ai.”)_. Underneath his blanket and the arm Nitori had slung over his waist had been warm, quiet, and equipped with just the right amount of company – the exact opposite of this damn bus where Rin can barely even hear Haru over the phone.

           “Don’t get on the bus.”

           “Are you fucking me, Nanase?”

           “No.”

           “What the hell?” Rin tips his head back against the seat and watches the landscape slip by out the window. He pulls on his collar and wishes his window wasn’t jammed shut.

           “Rei called. Said Nagisa texted him that he can’t make it to practice today.”

           “Why the hell not?”

           “Don’t know. He didn’t give Rei a reason.”

           “Fine. We’ll go to his house.”

           “Rei already did. He’s not home.”

           Rin pushes his bangs off his forehead and weaves them into the rest of his hair, holding them there as he clenches his fist. “Were his parents home? His sisters? Nobody knows where this kid is?”

           “His mom told Rei he’d already left for the pool, but it’s been twenty minutes, and he’s not here.”

           Rin sighs and lets his hand fall, his bangs falling with it back over his eyes. He needs a haircut, and remembers his promise to let Nitori do it – he fingers the strands, wondering if that was a rash decision. He’d trust the kid with his life, but his hair is a different matter entirely.

            The image of Nitori with a pair of scissors is somehow not a comforting one.

           “I’m already on the bus, I’ll just help you guys look for him.”

           “Fine.”

           “Nanase.”

           “What?”

           Rin turns away from the window and looks at the knees of his jeans. “I heard Nagisa tied with you. In a race. Is that true?”

           There is a long pause, before Rin hears Haru’s sigh. “Not everything is about swimming, Matsuoka.”

           When Haru hangs up, Rin’s worry is already halfway through the motions of solidifying into fright. Whatever is going on with Nagisa has be to even worse than he thought, if it is enough to have Haru saying a thing like that.

**

**_– Nagisa-kun, please pick up your phone. At the very least, I must insist that you let me know you are not… Hazuki Nagisa, do not make me say it, do not dare make me think it. –_ **

**

“Do you ever get scared, Rei-chan?”

           Unlike Rei-chan, Nagisa is not surprised to see the other teen.

           He knew Rei-chan would find him. Nagisa has not necessarily been hiding so much as waiting for him.

           “ _Nagisa-kun!_ What are you – How could you – I simply cannot allow you to be so calm when your friends have – ”

           “Rei,” Nagisa says, louder, because he cannot stand to hear how much he worried Mako-chan and Haru-chan and Rin-chan and especially not Rei-chan. He looks at Rei-chan and can see the surprise and anger fall from his face, his shoulders sagging and his eyes pulling down in concern.

           Rei-chan nods as if to himself before stepping forward from where he had frozen on sight of Nagisa, who sits on the bench outside the Beasts of Eden Zoo and Aquarium entrance and scooches over to give Rei-chan room.

           Rei-chan sits beside him, and Nagisa watches his profile carefully, wanting to memorize it, suddenly feeling as though this is the last time he will ever see it.

           “Of course I get scared, Nagisa-kun,” Rei-chan says, suddenly, and Nagisa remembers that he had been the one to ask.

           Nagisa looks away from his profile and stares straight ahead, at a statue of a giraffe and an elephant that stand against each other with the giraffe’s neck and elephant’s trunk intertwined.

           “No. I mean, really scared. Like, the kind of scared where you’re always hiding, you’re too scared to ever face it so you just hide behind a mask you make for yourself long enough that it becomes permanent.”

           “Nagisa-kun,” Rei-chan murmurs, and Nagisa can feel his gaze but will not look away from the statue.

           “I hate zoos, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says sadly. “When I was younger, my mom took me and my sisters to this zoo to see the penguins, but I hated it. They’re all in cages, Rei-chan. Rei-chan,” Nagisa repeats, because he’s crying, he can feel the tears and hear the sob between his words but maybe if he repeats Rei-chan’s name over and over, Rei-chan won’t notice these tears or that sob, in some twisted form of logic that doesn’t even make sense to Nagisa, and Nagisa has always been the irrational one.

           “Nagisa-kun, why are you so scared? What is it that you are scared of?”

           “Rei-chan,” Nagisa whispers, and he can’t look at the stupid statue anymore, so he turns away, and he’s turning to Rei-chan, into his chest, burying his face in Rei-chan’s shirt, lifting his hands to curl them in fists around the cool cloth.

           “Nagisa-kun?”

           Nagisa isn’t sure if he wants to talk anymore, and the alternative is to cry, so he does so, messily and horribly. He knows he should let go of Rei-chan, but he cannot, and after less than a minute he can feel a stiff hand patting his back between his shoulders, then warm fingers slipping down the back of his hair.

           “It’s going to be okay now, Nagisa-kun,” Rei-chan says, quietly, in that Matter-of-Fact Rei-chan Tone that promises precise accuracy, and Nagisa, for the first time, starts to believe it.

**

**_\- u should just tell haru –_ **

**_\- ? –_ **

**_\- how u feel –_ **

**_\- now really isn’t the time. r u focusing on finding Nagisa? –_ **

**_\- i can multitask. and yea now is the time. look what happened w nagisa keeping things secret. just tell him he already knows anyway –_ **

**_\- I don’t think we should talk about this now. –_ **

**_\- r u w nanase? –_ **

**_\- yeah… –_ **

**_\- tell him makoto –_ **

**_\- let’s focus on Nagisa right now, okay? –_ **

**_\- just sayin. keeping quiet cuz ur scared wont get u anywhere –_ **

**_\- yeah, I know that. …thanks, Rin. –_ **

**

**_\- I have located Nagisa-kun. His current condition is…not preferable, but does not warrant notification of emergency services. I strongly believe he will be, with our assistance and support, okay. –_ **

When Nagisa releases Rei-chan, the latter politely asks permission to text Haru-chan, Mako-chan, and Rin-chan, to which Nagisa nods numbly. He watches Rei-chan type quickly before pocketing his phone again and looking up to meet his gaze.

            “I’m sorry I got your shirt wet, Rei-chan,” Nagisa murmurs. He wipes the back of his wrist under his nose.

            “It’s completely understandable. Please take your time to tell me whatever you need to.”

            Nagisa rubs his knuckles over his eyes. He feels worn out, tired, wants nothing more than to sleep for long enough to forget this – well, maybe he wants one thing more, but that one thing is too scary to think about despite the fact that Rei-chan is sitting beside him so calmly, asking Nagisa to finally think about it.

            “What if I can’t?” Nagisa asks, to his fingers knotting on his knees.

            “That’s fine too. I think, however, it would be in both of our best interests if you did speak of whatever it is that has been haunting you. I – I cannot stand to see you this way, Nagisa-kun. I want you to know – need you to know – that you can trust me, completely and wholeheartedly.”

            Nagisa sniffs and nods at his fingers. “I know, Rei-chan.”

            “So… What is it?”

            When Nagisa peeks at Rei-chan, the teen is rumpled in a cried-on shirt. He watches Nagisa through frames that have slipped down his nose, but he does not make any move to push them up, nor seem to notice this completely un-Rei-chan-like disarray.

            Nagisa realizes he has never trusted anyone more in his life than this disheveled Rei-chan, not even himself.

            “It’s stupid, I guess,” Nagisa says, laughing at himself slightly as if any attempt to lighten the mood has not been rendered impossible by his previous ten minutes’ worth of tearshed. “I’m scared that…no one will like me. I’m loud because I don’t want to be invisible, not again. I’m not alone because I have Mako-chan and Haru-chan and Rin-chan – and you, I have Rei-chan too, of course – but I _feel_ lonely, and it’s the worst feeling, the absolute worst feeling. It – It hurts, Rei-chan.” Nagisa stares at Rei-chan imploringly, needing him to understand, needing someone finally to understand.

            Rei-chan nods but says nothing, as if he knows any interruption will stop Nagisa from talking when it has been all he has needed for so long.

            “With three sisters, it’s easy to fade away, and I could feel myself fading when I was younger. It’s part why I wanted so much to form a swim club – I could make friends, that way. I make myself loud because I need someone to hear me, but in the end I wasn’t even talking about the things I really felt – it’s easier to say nonsense than to admit that I didn’t think I was worthy enough to be on the swim team, to be friends with Mako-chan and Rin-chan and Haru-chan, to be liked.”

            Rei-chan opens his lips, then closes them, and Nagisa can tell he is clenching and unclenching his jaw. His eyebrows are knitted, and he looks almost angry, but he remains silent, and Nagisa takes a deep, shaky breath to continue.

            “When Rin-chan left, it was just Mako-chan and Haru-chan, and they were just how they are now and just how they’ll always be – Mako-chan and Haru-chan. I was with them, but I didn’t belong. I had to talk louder, to be more cheerful, to laugh more often because people always want to be around happy people. I needed to be somebody who they would want to be around, even when they didn’t need anyone but themselves.”

            Rei-chan looks away, staring in the direction of the giraffe-elephant statue, but Nagisa continues to stare at him.

            “And then I met you, Rei-chan. And I thought – I thought we could be best friends. That if I kept up this act of happy and cheerful, that you would want to be best friends with me. I just wanted – I just wanted someone that I could be the real me around. I am happy, and I do like to laugh and make jokes the way I do with Haru-chan and Mako-chan. But sometimes I’m not happy, and I am so scared that this will be a burden on my friends, that you won’t want to be friends with me anymore, so I hide this part, but then…”

            Nagisa’s breath catches and he can do nothing but inhale and exhale deeply until Rei-chan is looking at him again, looking at him like no one has ever looked at him before.

            Looking at him like he is seeing _Nagisa_ , not Cheerful Nagisa not Silly Nagisa not Over-Excited Dramatic Ridiculous Nagisa but just plain _Nagisa_ , or in this case, _Nagisa-kun._

            “I started to like you, Rei-chan,” Nagisa mumbles. “Like you like you. But everything I am is a lie, and really I’m just a burden, and I was okay with that if we were just friends, but I couldn’t – I can’t – I don’t even know what I’m thinking, what I’m trying to say, I just know that it hurts, and I can’t stop thinking about how much it hurts and how much more it will hurt when everyone sees that I’m no good. I’m so sorry, Rei-chan, so so sorry.”

            “Nagisa-kun – ”

            “And I feel absolutely _awful_ that I made everyone worry, especially you, but I can’t make it all go away! Rei-chan, why can’t it all go away? I’m so scared of everyone leaving, but it’s so _pathetic_ , and I know this, but I can’t make the thoughts go away, and I – ” Nagisa can’t help himself from yelling, his whispers growing in volume until his voice is grating, but somehow Rei-chan’s stern voice reaches him through his own shouts.

            “Nagisa-kun! Please listen to me! Firstly, it is absolutely paramount that you breathe deeply. Can you do that for me?”

            Rei-chan’s expression is nothing but serious, betrayed only by the slight droop of his eyes, but Nagisa can easily ignore this small leak of sadness. He nods and inhales, holds his breath for only a second and exhales. After repeating the process three times, Rei-chan nods.

            “Thank you. Secondly, I have a few points to set straight with you, and I must insist that you listen quite closely and do not interrupt. I will not ask if you agree to those terms, as this is not a request but a demand. Understood, Nagisa-kun?”

            Nagisa blinks, then nods slowly. The exhaustion is slipping from his limbs to be replaced by a steady numbness, like the kind that weighs down his arm if he sleeps on it the whole night. He knows what’s next – the painful prickling – but he thinks if he listens to Rei-chan’s cool voice, he can avoid this.

            “Very good.” Rei-chan pauses, and a bit of the seriousness is shoved from his features by more hints of solemnity. His eyebrows knit slightly, but Nagisa can tell he is trying to stop himself from appearing pained, and Nagisa appreciates this, he really does.

            Nagisa nods again, to show this appreciation, and Rei-chan finally lifts his hand to readjust his glasses back where they belong.

            “Right. When my thoughts are in disorder as they currently find themselves, I find it helpful and productive to make a list, so I will do that now, if you don’t mind.” Rei-chan licks his lips, and Nagisa recognizes the expression with which he goes into exams.

            Nagisa’s lips almost tremble up at the thought, but the numbness is still present, and he can’t quite muster a smile just yet, despite the unmistakable dorkiness of his friend Rei-chan.

            “Ahem. One: You are not a burden, Nagisa-kun, nor are your feelings or actions. You could never be a burden, not to Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai, or Rin-chan-san, and most certainly and absolutely, not to me. Believe me,” Rei-chan says, with another adjustment of his glasses, “I have been well-acquainted with the shame of believing myself to be a burden. It is a horrible, abominable feeling, and I am unsettled to hear that you know of it.”

            Nagisa tilts his head. He opens his mouth to speak, then remembers he is not allowed to interrupt, and for once in his life, stays quiet.

            “When I joined this team, I felt like a burden, an anchor on a ship that could sail much more smoothly and quickly without me. However, my teammates insisted time and time again that I am not a burden, and when I was finally able to accept this as truth, I realized that the real burden had been on my own shoulders the entire time for believing something so incredibly incorrect.”

            Rei-chan’s gaze slips away to Nagisa’s shoulder, and when it returns to his face, his eyes are bright.

            “You, Hazuki Nagisa, can never be a burden. It is crucial that you acquaint yourself with this fact. Friends are people who accept you unconditionally, which leads me to point two: you are not alone, and more importantly, you do not ever have to feel lonely.”

            Nagisa realizes he has forgotten to breathe, and when he sucks in air it hitches down his throat.

            “I do not care if you have been wearing a mask. Do you really think that I, of all people, Nagisa-kun, could not observe the difference in your facial structure when confronted with a plastered smile and a true, genuine smile? I don’t think I am the only one who could see this difference either. I have been worried about you for a long while, Nagisa-kun, troubled by why you would think it necessary to fake your happiness on some occasions. However,” Rei-chan suddenly stops speaking, and it appears that his voice has been caught somewhere behind his lips.

            Nagisa leans forward, and despite his earlier agreement, interrupts quietly. “However?”

            Rei-chan takes a deep breath. “ _However_ , on a fault by my own character in that I often find myself stubbornly in pursuit of solutions, in desperation to find answers with my own individual effort – I thought I could find an answer to this problem you presented me with your fake cheerfulness on my own. I apologize for this, Nagisa-kun. I am ashamed that I looked at you as a problem I needed to fix. I should have – I should have confronted you earlier, perhaps I could have prevented – ”

            Nagisa slips a hand free from his own fingers knotted in his lap and reaches out to cup Rei-chan’s hand, which is clenched around his knee. Rei-chan’s eyes widen, but instead of pulling away he unclenches his knee, overturns his hand, and lets his fingers slip through Nagisa’s.

            He clears his throat. “You are not alone, Nagisa, and showing how you really feel will do nothing to change that. It is okay to feel lonely sometimes, but I will ask that you please tell me or Makoto-senpai or Haruka-senpai or Rin-chan-san or _somebody_ when you feel this way because we can tell, and it is painful to watch you suffer alone.”

            “I’m sorry I worried you, Rei-chan,” Nagisa murmurs.

            “Point _three_ : Do not ever apologize for worrying me again, Nagisa-kun. I _want_ to be worried about you, if it means you are at least being honest with me. If I am worried, it means I can help you, and I will do everything in my power to do so. Of course, ideally, I would not be worried for you because your happiness should be secure, so please allow me to make this the case from this point onward, agreed?”

            Nagisa isn’t sure how to answer this. He has realized that Rei-chan’s palm is sweating under his, or his is sweating over Rei-chan’s, or both their palms are sweating against each other. He does not know what this means, nor what Rei-chan’s words mean. He is asking to take care of Nagisa – but how? In what way?

            After all, Nagisa did confess. In the midst of a rush of words, perhaps, and there is a chance Rei-chan did not notice, but there is also a chance that he is pretending not to have noticed.

            There is, in addition, the smallest chance that he has noticed and there is one more item on his list, one more thing to say, but Rei-chan is leaning closer, and they were at perfect distances for talking, so what could be the reason for this –

            “Four,” Rei-chan murmurs, and his lips are inches from Nagisa’s, who cannot talk, cannot move. “I do not want to be your best friend.” Rei-chan’s words are followed by a breath that is hot against Nagisa’s lips.

            Nagisa opens these lips to feel that breath in his mouth. “Okay,” he says, because Rei-chan has frozen and it appears that he is waiting for a response.

            “Five: Semantics are very important to me. What I mean is that I do not _only_ want to be your best friend.”

            “Okay,” Nagisa repeats. He wants to lean forward just the smallest bit, but he also wants Rei-chan to keep talking. The numbness has not quite left entirely, but is being thawed slowly by a gentle warmth spreading underneath his skin.

            “Six: I have wanted to kiss you for a very long time, Hazuki Nagisa.”

            Nagisa’s intake of breath is sharp enough to bring Rei-chan forward, just the smallest bit, but still not close enough. “Okay,” he breathes. Now, now Rei-chan will kiss him, he is sure.

            But then, Rei-chan is Rei-chan, and when an explanation is simple, he will undoubtedly complicate it and elongate it, and this is one of the reasons Nagisa wants him so badly, one of the reasons his heart beats for the teen who has not yet seen fit to kiss him despite admittedly having wanted to for so long.

            “Seven: I have made several calculations to estimate whether this kiss would be possible, and concluded that yes, it is possible. I then developed formulas to determine whether it was probable, and could not come to a concrete solution. After your confession, however, I can determine that yes, it is probable. When previously theorizing on the concept of the kiss as a mere possibility, however, I thought hard on what place would be most ideal, what time, what I would say, what you would say, where my hands would be and how long after confessions this would take place.”

            Nagisa does not think he has ever exhibited as much restraint as he does now, while Rei-chan continues being Rei-chan, blabbering away about formulas and theories. It would be so easy to cut him off, such a Nagisa Thing to cut Rei-chan off, but Nagisa is not worried about time anymore, and allows Rei-chan a little bit more – but knows that if the teen takes too long, he won’t be able to stop himself any longer.

            “On a bench outside a zoo that you cannot stand while my shirt is wet from your tearshed and your nose is still slightly running has never come up in my calculations, and does not seem ideal. But my calculations have never been so unnecessary as I now realize _any_ situation in which we share a kiss is ideal, and – ”

            Nagisa doesn’t think he should be blamed for finally losing all desire for restraint and leaning forward that last inch to kiss the teen in front of him. If anyone is at fault, it is surely this ridiculous Rei-chan, this adorably dorky absolutely wonderful Rei-chan who has finally made Nagisa feel as though he is not drowning, as though he too has a hand to pull him out of the water, and this hand is currently sweating inside his, squeezed gently as two boys kiss in the most ideal place, at the most ideal time.

*

Nagisa knows Rei-chan has explained much – but maybe not all – of what was spoken of on that bench in front of the Beasts of Eden Zoo and Aquarium. He is grateful for this, as to say it all once was draining, and Nagisa is not sure he can do it again.

            As Rei-chan predicted and Nagisa himself is soon coming to believe, his friends are more than supportive, in their own ways, and show this after Rei-chan explains everything while Nagisa swims laps in the pool and refuses to look up at his friends who have gathered by Rei-chan’s request via text and sit with their feet dangling in the shallow end.

            After seven slow laps of the pool, Nagisa sees on surfacing for a breath of air that Rei-chan is waving at him, so he changes direction and swims over.

            “Nagisa – ”

            “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to worry any of you, and I know now that I should have just talked to you guys, but – ”

            “You don’t need to apologize, Nagisa. We’re just relieved that you’re okay. And Rei said he’s already told you this, but I will repeat on behalf of all of us that we cherish you as a friend no matter what. Please don’t ever feel alone, and if you do, please speak to us about it.”

            Nagisa nods, glad his wet hair is dripping on his face and already making streaks of water across his cheeks. Mako-chan’s expression is comforting and warm, the same expression he has offered Haru-chan so many times, and Nagisa wonders how he could never have realized it would be there for him, too, if only he had asked.

            “Makoto can speak for himself. I, for one, need an apology. What the hell were you thinking, keeping something like that to yourself for so long?” Rin-chan snaps.

            “Rin!” Mako-chan exclaims, looking at him in surprise.

            “Shut up, Matsuoka, you were just as bad,” Haru-chan mutters.

            Nagisa can’t help it – he giggles, and his friends look at him in surprise, to which Nagisa shrugs.

            He understands their surprise, as he feels it too – it will be a while before happiness will feel easy without any thoughts of doubt. But as he looks up at his friends sitting side-by-side, all together for one purpose and that purpose being solely _for Nagisa,_ he thinks that he’ll be able to manage.

*

Haru-chan is not quite ready to go home as he has not swum all day and that is some kind of abomination, and of course Mako-chan stays with him, and Rin-chan insists on a race.

            Nagisa, however, is completely and utterly worn out, and Rei-chan says he needs to study and will leave the pool with him.

            They find themselves boarding the bus together and sitting in the back, side-by-side.

            “Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, after a minute of silence that Nagisa has started to realize can be comfortable, if it is a silence shared with Rei-chan.

            “Yes?”

            “Do you remember when I said your name while I was sleeping?”

            Rei-chan’s shock is comedic, and Nagisa smiles.

            “How do _you_ remember that? You were asleep!”

            “I was pretending,” Nagisa says, and Rei-chan appears outraged.

            “Nagisa-kun! How could you pretend such a thing? Were you always pretending to be asleep?”

            Nagisa shrugs, and Rei-chan fumbles to adjust his glasses over scandalized eyes.

            “Why did you look so scared?”

            Rei-chan’s blush is faint, but easily visible with the midday sun bathing his features.

            “The answer to your question is clear, isn’t it? Especially in light of recent events.” Rei-chan clears his throat so abruptly he starts to cough, and Nagisa waits until he is finished before replying.

            “No! You said you liked me and you kissed me, which only makes me more confused. Why would you be scared if I dreamt about you?”

            Rei-chan takes his time to adjust his glasses. “Because I was certain my reaction to hearing you say my name in your sleep would make obvious my feelings towards you, and I had not yet decided on the precise course of action I would take concerning the depth of my emotion to you, and it is unwise to proceed so recklessly as to rely on unpredictable factors such as your apparently fake sleeptalking when so much is at stake.”

            Nagisa can’t help but laugh. “You’re so silly, Rei-chan! Obviously I liked you if I was dreaming about you! That should be the perfect unpredictable factor!”

            “Incorrect! Analysis on dreams is inconclusive on the predominance of subject matter in the subconscious. You could dream about me as easily as you would dream about a potato.”

            Nagisa rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but would I dream about making out with a potato as easily as I dream about making out with you?”

            “Nagisa-kun!”

            “Yes, Rei-chan?”

            Rei-chan blinks quickly, glancing around the bus so as to make sure no one is listening before turning back to Nagisa with a full blush. “You had better not be dreaming about making out with potatoes as easily as you dream about making out with me,” Rei-chan warns with complete sincerity, and Nagisa feels as though he could laugh forever, but is glad that Rei-chan’s lips cut him off.

            Bus rides home with Rei-chan have always been Nagisa’s favorite, and that is one thing that does not change when everything else finally does.

 

THE END

 

**

epilogue

**_\- Haru-chan. can I come over? there’s something I want to talk to you about. -_ **

**_\- no –_ **

**_\- why not? are you busy? are you sick? I told you not to overexert yourself racing Rin. you have to know your limits. –_ **

**_\- don’t have limits. and I don’t want to talk –_ **

**_\- it’s important –_ **

**_\- u talk 2 much –_ **

**_\- I’m sorry you feel that way. can I come over now? -_ **

**_\- only if you don’t talk –_ **

**_\- what else am I supposed to do? –_ **

**_-_ ** **_you could kiss me for once –_ **

**_\- makoto –_ **

**_\- ?? –_ **

**_\- are you still there? –_ **

**_\- yes, sorry, Haru. I was just…are you being serious? –_ **

**_\- obviously –_ **

**_\- makoto? –_ **

**_\- stop taking so long to reply it’s annoying –_ **

**_\- sorry, Haru-chan. I’m on my way over now. –_ **

**_\- no talking –_ **

**_\- not a word, I promise. –_ **


End file.
